Irrespective of the child's age, parental divorce is by far one of the most difficult and stressful events that can occur during a child's life. Sadly, many parents become consumed by their own feelings, get caught up in the legal process, and fail to deal with the feelings and needs of their children. It is during this most stressful time that you must give the needs of your children priority.

For your children, divorce takes on a very different meaning than it does for you or your spouse. For you it is the loss of a spouse. For the children it is the loss of the family unit. This can be very disconcerting. It is up to both of you, as parents, to allay their fears and ease the stress. Don't let your negative feelings toward your soon to be ex-spouse, negatively impact how you parent.
Breaking the news to your children

How you break the news of the divorce to your children can have long term effect on your child's emotional well being. They will carry memories of the divorce well into adulthood. To protect your child's well being, it is imperative to give careful consideration to how you will tell the children about the divorce. What is best will depend largely on the children's ages, the family dynamics, the child's emotional and intellectual state. Ideally, if possible, you and your spouse should tell them jointly. Most importantly, be sure that children understand that your divorce is not their fault. Regardless of age, children always believe that if they had done something differently, the divorce would not happen. Even if you believe they know this is not true, tell them anyway.
Some Do's and Don'ts to Consider When Breaking the News to your Children:

Do:

• Speak as calmly as possible.
• Reassure them that they are not to blame for the divorce.
• Reassure them of your continued love and affection for them.
• Acknowledge their feelings.
• Allow them to grieve the loss of the family unit.
• Answer their questions.
• Address their concerns.
• Limit the details given regarding the reasons for and the process of the divorce.
• Remember that your child loves both of you.

Don't:

• Speak negatively of the other parent.
• Use your child as your sounding board.
• Attempt to gain your child's allegiance.
• Overburden them with the minutia of the process.
• Discuss the details of the reasons for the divorce.
• Make your child choose a side.

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